Evaluate 3 - Self Reflection

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Monday

            Today was a very difficult day. A student of mine was expelled and will no longer attend Stockbridge Middle. This young man was my hardest challenge as a first year teacher. He literally had me in tears once from the awful things he did in my classroom. I didn’t know what I could do to keep my classroom managed and I thought that maybe I wasn’t ready for this profession. When I went to my math coach, she said talk to him, clearly he wants your attention. She was completely right. We talked and I realize that he really actually liked me and wanted me to care about him whether it was in a good way or bad. Since then I have been his mentor and he had started to change and he was growing up into a great young man. But unfortunately, his anger never quite got under control and he started a fight. Now he’s expelled and I feel like I let him down. What should I do to keep in contact so I can continue to help him and give him a positive influence? Maybe my math coach can help me get counseling for him or find a mentoring program for him.

             

Tuesday

            I was tempted to call out because of Jamir being sick, but I decided to go ahead and go to work. My mom volunteered to watch him. But I found it hard to stay focused on my lessons when I was worried about my son. Regardless once the students came in I found myself go into auto mode and began giving my students my all with the lessons. Today my fourth period were particularly uninterested in the lessons and were not interested in learning anything today. This is my smallest class but it’s filled with all the behavior challenged students. They don’t want to be there and now that most of them are in the way to being shipped off the alternative school, they have checked out. How can I get them motivated to learn and not give up? I know many adults in their lives have given up on them but I know that they will always have a chance to become who they are meant to be. Maybe I can find someone who can come in and speak to them, someone who has lived their story and became better.

           

Wednesday

            We had a Math meeting today. I wonder how it went. I have no clue because I wasn’t invited. It really hurt my feelings but the math department still hasn’t accepted my presence here in the school as part of the team. My Title I team and I get along awesomely and we have no issues but the rest of the staff doesn’t really like the Title I team. This doesn’t affect the way that I interact or teach my students which is the most important, but I think it important to be able to collaborate with your coworkers—especially as a first year teacher. I need all the help I can get. I may reach out to a couple of staff members and work my way into getting to know them—if they let me.

           

Thursday

            We have been testing my students using the GLOSS assessments. I’m flabbergasted that none of my students are close to their grade level. Many are still on Pre-k and Kindergarten level. So it’s clear that our choice to focus on numeracy is the best option. My hearts goes out toward them and my heart hurts to know how they could possibly get to this point and no one has taken the time to help them. I have to show them that I am here and that I won’t let them down, I won’t let them fail.       

           

Friday

            I don’t think Fridays are the best day to have a writing workshop. The kids don’t want to write and most of them have the weekend. They already hate to write but maybe Fridays aren’t the best time. But when could it be? Wednesdays may be a good time, but I feel that it breaks up to flow of the lessons of the week. I need to try to make writing more fun or find the spirit to make them toughen up. Sometime we just have to get through it. I think I’m beginning to spoil them.        

Overall

             I think my overall strengths as an educator is that I honestly care about the students' success. I want them to grow in math, so I will do whatever it takes to ensure that my students learn what they need to learn. Also, math is my passion. I LOVE math, which is vital because when you love what you teach,. you can really bring the students into the content with your enthusiasm. Also, I am very strategic and organized, compliments of my mathematical mind. So I can use data with fidelity to ensure that my students are doing what is necessary to succeed. As a teacher, I am constantly reflecting on my students success and my success as a teacher. This allows me to really think about what goes on in the classroom and if I need to make adjustments as a teacher whether through my lesson plans, Another strength is my willingness to learn. I'm always willing to learn more about what I can do to improve my teaching practice in the classroom. Whether it's a new technology tool, or a new method to solving math concepts,  I want to always learn and improve myself for the improvement and advancement of my students. 
            The main weakness that I have is that I love my students so much, I find myself stressing out to make sure they reach their highest potential. I have to work on doing my best but not to take it personally when a student doesn't succeed immediately. Because of this, I find myself sometimes having issues with time management when it comes to pacing myself throughout the year. I often find myself staying on a concept too long because I want to ensure every student learns the entire topic and understands it completely. Although great for my tests, it's also a hindrance because some topics gets skipped or rushed through because of time restraints. Because of this, I then tend to over plan my lessons to prevent time from getting away from me. This is not the best practice either because the lesson becomes more teacher-led than student-led. So I am still in constant battle within myself to find the perfect combination. But the best thing about me as a teacher, I never give up or allow the battle to keep me from trying to improve daily.